• About Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
Sunday, January 17, 2021
MemoryWell
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers
No Result
View All Result
MemoryWell
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers
MemoryWell
No Result
View All Result
Home Faces of Caregiving

Hilarity for Charity’s Lauren Miller Rogen: “I am a caregiver for a caregiver”

Finally I understood that it wasn’t my mother who needed my help. She was being cared for beautifully. It was my dad who needed the caregiver.

Lauren Miller Rogen by Lauren Miller Rogen
October 8, 2018
0
15
SHARES
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

It’s taken me many years to fully understand what it means to be a caregiver.

In the early years of my mom’s battle with Alzheimer’s Disease, I would brush it off when anyone called me one. After all, I was living 2,500 miles away and my dad was the one with her 24 hours a day. He was the one feeding her, bathing her and keeping her safe. He was the “real” caregiver.

As the years passed and she needed more care, the strain on my dad increased. He had to retire because caring for my mom became a full-time job. It got harder, the hours got longer and the emotions even heavier to bear. My husband, brother and I noticed the toll it was taking on him — a healthy man in his early 60s at that point. We started to understand why 30 percent of caregivers die before the loved one they are caring for, and we started to fear our dad would become part of that terrifying statistic.

As the years passed and she needed more care, the strain on my dad increased…We started to understand why 30 percent of caregivers die before the loved one they are caring for, and we started to fear our dad would become part of that terrifying statistic.

My dad was very protective of their situation. It was like he and my mom lived in a house of cards he had to constantly maintain, and any change he didn’t completely control would blow the entire house down. He spent his days entirely devoted to her care, barely ever taking even a few minutes for his own physical and emotional health. He didn’t want to hear our suggestions, which was difficult for us to accept.

The frustration of the sideline

Luckily, I have my own caregiver in the form of my husband, who had insisted shortly after my mom’s diagnosis that I find a therapist to help me through the long journey of the disease. She gave me a lot of tools that helped me rationalize and work through my own pain. The frustration of being kept on the sidelines of my mom’s care and the fear of what might happen to my dad if he continued along this completely selfless path were topics we discussed quite often.

Eventually, my wonderful therapist suggested that instead of trying to care for my mom, we should focus our attention on caring for my dad. This made so much sense to me, and finally I understood that it wasn’t my mother who needed my help. She was being cared for beautifully. It was my dad who needed the caregiver.

So, we had an intervention with him one night after my mom had been put to bed. We sat him down and said, “if you want to be the one to care for Mom we respect that, but you have to let US care for YOU.”

I think it was partially his exhaustion that made him say okay. He could still be in control of caring for his partner of 40 years, but with us now in the mix his entire load would become lighter.

Being there for Dad

Since then, helping my dad has been our focus as he continues to be the caregiver for our mom. We are lucky enough to be able to bring in help at their house, but more than that, we try to be there for Dad to talk to him, listen to him, take him out when he’ll let us, bring him treats when we can, and insist he take time for himself to be more than just her caregiver.

In the past 12 years, I’ve met so many kinds of caregivers. Some have given up their entire lives to care for someone else and some help in ways beyond the day to day. But the thing I’ve learned the most is that caregivers are the strongest when they are cared for themselves.

Lauren Miller Rogen

Writer, actor, dog lover. Cofounder of Hilarity for Charity, a movement to inspire change and raise awareness about Alzheimers.

Tags: faces of caregiving
Previous Post

Caring for my mother with dementia made me fear getting older; interviewing active nonagenarians gave me new perspective

Next Post

CBS's Chip Reid: Cherishing the moments after moving my mother to assisted living

Related Posts

Award winner Rashi Ranjan of San Jose with her grandmother Pushpam Kusum
Faces of Caregiving

Student writers bring humanity to dementia through essays

Adrienne Glusman and her mother.
Faces of Caregiving

Daughter’s life instantly changed with mother’s Parkinson’s diagnosis

Faces of Caregiving

I remember the first time I laughed at dementia. I laughed so hard my side hurt.

Faces of Caregiving

Sen. Mark Warner: I lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. Her memory continues to motivate me.

Patient no shows for appointment
Caregiving

There are 40 million caregivers in the US. How can they seem so invisible?

Faces of Caregiving

This millennial helps other young caregivers find freedom through technology

Next Post
Chip Reid and his mother

CBS's Chip Reid: Cherishing the moments after moving my mother to assisted living

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest Posts

Resource List for Seniors

Award winner Rashi Ranjan of San Jose with her grandmother Pushpam Kusum

Young Authors Give Voice to Dementia

Award winner Rashi Ranjan of San Jose with her grandmother Pushpam Kusum

Student writers bring humanity to dementia through essays

Our Sponsors

Embracing Carers is an initiative led by EMD Serono, in collaboration with leading caregiver organizations around the world, to increase awareness and action about the often-overlooked needs of caregivers.

Our Members

Do YOU give a care? is an effort led by The SCAN Foundation to highlight the caregiving role that more than 10 million millennials are playing in their families.

Life Stories

  • Life Stories
Life Stories

Meet Roberta (Randy) Tidmore

by Madeleine Joung

Read more
No Result
View All Result
MemoryWell

© 2019 MemoryWell, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

  • About Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

Follow Us

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers