• About Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
Sunday, January 17, 2021
MemoryWell
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers
No Result
View All Result
MemoryWell
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers
MemoryWell
No Result
View All Result
Home Featured

My Alzheimer’s journey: Seeking strength from an old friend’s passing

Phil Gutis writes: "I know that when my time comes, I probably won’t be in any position to gather long-lost friends."

Phil Gutis by Phil Gutis
July 19, 2019
in Featured, My Alzheimer's Journey
0
Elaine and her new Maltipoo puppy.

Elaine and her new Maltipoo puppy.

0
SHARES
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

A few weeks ago, my sister and I visited a friend from childhood who had been fighting colorectal cancer for more than five years. A few weeks before our visit, doctors had put her on home hospice because she was out of treatment options. The cancer had spread to her brain.

I was fairly apprehensive about seeing her — it had been more than 30 years — and was completely unsure what to expect. When we arrived, however, we found our friend to be in what seemed to be fairly good health and spirits.

Yes, there was a hospital bed sitting in what should have been the dining room. And, yes, Elaine came down the stairs from her upstairs bedroom slowly. But there were also many signs of life: A new Maltipoo puppy frolicked in a tiny pen in the living room and competed for attention with two other older Maltipoos. Music was playing and a stack of reading material and a crossword puzzle book sat next to Elaine’s spot on the couch.

Phil Gutis gets an infusion of a drug aimed at curbing the effects of his early onset Alzheimer’s.

She was somewhat frail but mentally she was all there. We sat and visited for a while and I played with her new puppy while she and my sister reminisced. They were much closer friends, and although they had lost touch, they still had much more of a shared history. The decades since I’d seen her and my faulty memory meant that my recollections of the neighborhood we grew up in and the friends from the block were hazy at best.

After a while, we took Elaine to lunch at a nearby restaurant. She was using a walker but generally did not seem like someone who had weeks left to live. She was proud that she had fought the stage four colorectal cancer since 2013 and delighted that was able to see her son graduate from college earlier in the summer.

Elaine and I commiserated over living with a fatal disease and I complimented her for fight and determination. She was definitely not drowning in depression. And she wasn’t angry about her imminent passing but instead using her remaining hours to see folks she hadn’t seen in a while. I didn’t recognize most of the names, but she was full of plans to see people for lunches and dinners over the coming days and weeks.

On Sunday, July 14, my sister forwarded me a Facebook post in which Elaine’s brother announced that Elaine had passed away. She passed in her sleep, at home, surrounded by her family, just as she had hoped.

I couldn’t believe it. As I told my sister, I saw a Facebook post from Elaine only days ago with a picture of the new puppy. But my more observant sister told me she noticed that despite this week’s post, Elaine had pretty much stopped using Facebook and my sister knew that the end was probably near.

The doctors had given Elaine three to six weeks to live when they put her on hospice. Elaine extended that projection to two full months. Just as she had soldiered right through the initial two year life expectancy doctors had given her after her initial diagnosis.

I know that when my time comes, I probably won’t be in any position to gather long-lost friends. At my end, I will be a completely different being, likely unable to recognize my family and my husband and certainly not able to reminisce about the good old days.

As my sister drove us home that June afternoon, I tried to convince myself that I could be as brave about facing death as our friend Elaine. I hope to emulate her, her strength and her courage. Elaine, you gave me added determination to live and explore. Thank you.

Phil Gutis

Phil Gutis is a former New York Times reporter and civil liberties and environmental advocate who was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in 2016.

Previous Post

'Daughterhood circles' offer family caregivers a way to connect

Next Post

Adoptee finds birth roots after 30-year pause, with DNA and determination

Related Posts

Julianne Jones and her cousin Hoke Edward “Ed” Benton together in 2008 (Courtesy of Julianne Jones)
Featured

Fighting for Ed: A woman’s struggle to care for her aging cousin with Down syndrome

Stethoscope and LGBT rainbow ribbon pride tape symbol. Medical support after sex reassignment surgery. Grey background. Copy space for text
Featured

LGBT older adults find barriers to preventive healthcare

Featured

Looking for a quality home health aide? Start by offering a good work environment.

Author Jenn Knudsen enjoying a drink at a bar in Tel Aviv during a recent trip to Israel
Featured

Learning a third language for my brain and for myself

Featured

Many ‘grandfamilies’ struggle to find housing

Valoria Walker is a certified end-of-life doula
Featured

What is a ‘death doula?’ Small but growing field helps families through the dying process

Next Post

Adoptee finds birth roots after 30-year pause, with DNA and determination

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest Posts

Resource List for Seniors

Award winner Rashi Ranjan of San Jose with her grandmother Pushpam Kusum

Young Authors Give Voice to Dementia

Award winner Rashi Ranjan of San Jose with her grandmother Pushpam Kusum

Student writers bring humanity to dementia through essays

Our Sponsors

Embracing Carers is an initiative led by EMD Serono, in collaboration with leading caregiver organizations around the world, to increase awareness and action about the often-overlooked needs of caregivers.

Our Members

Do YOU give a care? is an effort led by The SCAN Foundation to highlight the caregiving role that more than 10 million millennials are playing in their families.

Life Stories

  • Life Stories
Life Stories

Meet Roberta (Randy) Tidmore

by Madeleine Joung

Read more
No Result
View All Result
MemoryWell

© 2019 MemoryWell, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

  • About Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

Follow Us

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Caregiving
    • Innovations in Caregiving
    • Millennial Caregivers
    • How-to’s for Caregiving
    • Faces of Caregiving
    • My Alzheimer’s Journey
    • Visual Stories
  • Sponsors & Members
  • Contact
  • Writers